Lewinsky Chewinsky

Or: Gentlemen never kiss and tell

The big deal seems to be that Clinton lied about boffing Lewinsky. But at the time, Lewinsky was saying "No, I did not have sex with that man." What's Clinton supposed to do? A gentleman does not kiss and tell. Clinton's not exactly a gentleman, but he's still from the South, so at least he knows how a gentleman is SUPPOSED to behave.

So here we are, with a President who is, well, Presidential. Washington caught his death of cold running naked out the back door while the man of the house was coming in the front door. Thomas Jefferson was accused of having sex with his black maid, and probably did (her children WERE mysteriously light-colored). Calvin Coolidge learned from his predecessor, Warren G. Harding, who caused scandal when caught boffing the maid in the White House coat closet. "Silent Cal" posted the Secret Service outside the White House coat closet and avoided scandal.

So what have we learned? Well, first of all, power seems to be the best aphrodesiac. Why else would a nice-looking young intern want to boff a pot-bellied guy who's otherwise about as appealing as a potato?

The second thing we've learned is that the American people mostly say "Hubba hubba" when they learn of Clinton's feats.

And the third thing, finally, is that journalists will make a big deal of anything if they think they can bring down a President. Every journalist seems to be looking for another Watergate to win them a Pulitzer. Unfortunately, a case of excessive libido isn't going to give them anything but a bad reputation.